Down Trodden

In May I applied for a job at a large winery where I live. I had a phone interview and a face-to-face interview that both seemed to go well. My whole family was pumped, I was pumped. It seemed like the ticket out of my current situation of not making enough money to afford myself.

I got an e-mail a few days ago letting me know I didn't get the job. This is understandable as the job market is tight. I keep reminding myself I should be so happy that I even have a job. My job is actually quite enjoyable, and when I get enough hours I almost make enough to survive.

The only problem I have with my job is my boss. He's an incredibly charismatic person, but he doesn't always go by the book. There's nothing illegal going on, he just likes to ignore company policy and make up his own rules. Often to the detriment of the company.

At the end of the day I work at a business and if you sell something at cost, you can't make any money. Sure it makes you look awesome to give a customer a discount, but when it cuts into the bottom-line it's a problem.

I like to be right. I like to do things correctly. You know, get it right the first time. I've always felt that as an employee I was there to provide a service to the company. Currently I work retail and the service I'm providing is fairly simple; meet customers needs while also serving the company's bottom-line. To help the bottom-line, I make sure that I'm incredibly efficient so as not to waste the company's money (my paycheck). Sadly my boss, who is the son of the president of the company, sees the store as his own personal popularity machine.

I do my best to clean up after him and my coworker, constantly running around double checking paperwork and making sure that everything gets to where to needs to be. I find this consumes most of my time. It frustrates me.

I want a smooth running retail machine and I have a machine that desperately needs a new engine. Sadly, I'm just the oil and easily replaced.

Mourning

I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I grieve with the rest of my family. My cousin was in a plane crash. There were three others on board, all four perished. I think it is safe to say that hundreds of people are mourning right now. No one ever wants to bury a son or a daughter.

This is the 5th death within a year that has been way too close to home. I've lost 2 cousins, an Aunt, a future mother-in-law and the mother to my fiance's siblings. I look around me and find that it's some of the best people I know who are no longer with us.

My cousin's name was Brian. He was about four years older than me. I always remember laughing around him. Brian was an infectious person. He always had a smile on his face and a quick one liner to come back with. Honestly, one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to know. I try now to think of actual jokes, but all I can think about is moments. Moments spent laughing.

Hold on to those you love a little tighter tonight, you never know what the next day will bring. Love openly and honestly and don't be afraid to tell people how much you love them. Sometimes, tomorrow is to late.