Decisions, Decisions. + Wedding/Honeymoon stuff

I am officially married now. Nothing feels different, it just feels like my dearest finally has a ring that always seemed to be missing. It feels like home.

Our wedding was absolutely amazing. Everything worked out, everyone had a great time and we ended up with some awesome stories to share. I have almost 800 pictures from the day and I will eventually get around to posting some. I still feel like the wedding was too much to sum up in a blog post or a story. It was magic and it's still hard to believe that such a beautiful day was meant for me. I was so happy to feel so much love in one room. Not only the love Collin and I share, but also the great love stories of our parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. It was perfect. I hesitate to use that word, but it truly was.

Sure, there are things I would do different if I could, but it was super special even with misadventures.

Our honeymoon was also amazing and beautiful. We had some amazing adventure the most exciting of which was our helicopter ride over Maui, Moloka'i and Lana'i. We were going to go on a Zipline trip, but they were all booked up. As the zipline would have cost about $400 for the two of us, we thought, 'Hey, why don't we just add that money to our helicopter trip we wanted?".

So, Collin bought first class tickets and we got to see some of the most breathtaking sights. Whales, waterfalls, sunken battleships, and 3000ft sea cliffs. The world is such a wonderful place if you have the opportunity to slow down and just take it all in. Pictures also to come.

Sadly, in the hustle and bustle of trying to get back to our apartment I left my computer at my mom's house. So I have to use to work computer or Collin's and it's just not the same. I feel like I'm cheating on my laptop.

Going back to work was just as exciting as I thought it'd be. I'm yet again reminded how apathetic I am about this job. My boss lives in la-la land that's all about appearances. He's been telling me he's the vice-president of the company, which is in fact, not true. His brother is the vice-president.

He acts like he manages the place, but all he really does is sign the time cards. He also does the books, but I think I do them better. It's pretty sad when everyone in the corporate office calls your lackey because you don't even know how to do the paperwork properly for the company you like to pretend you the vice-president of.

This could be my longest post ever. But I feel like I have a lot pent up. I haven't even gotten to what I really wanted to talk about. If any one actually reads this, I applaud you for making it this far.

Now that I'm married, the next question the husband and I wonder is, "What about kids?" We both really want children and would like to start sooner rather than later. Is there ever a time you're really ready for children?

I want to be a stay at home mom and my husband supports this. So do I get pregnant and then just quit my job? Do we try to save up a bunch of money before the baby? Do we move first?

Part of me wants to just quit my job and start trying for a baby and just become a house wife. That seriously appeals to me. I feel like working I'm not home enough, like I can't get anything done. I want to spend time with my husband when he comes home from work not do laundry and dishes the whole time.

Here's hoping. I'm a firm believer that everything will work out. The cards are what they are and the chips will fall however they are meant to.

Wedding madness and 2011 in general

It is now almost halfway through January 2011. I am 65 days away from being married and the anti-ca...... pation is setting in. There is so much to be done in such a short amount of time. I honestly have trouble justifying it all. So much money for a 5 hour party.

I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.

I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.

That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.

The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.

January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.

After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.

In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.