I am officially married now. Nothing feels different, it just feels like my dearest finally has a ring that always seemed to be missing. It feels like home.
Our wedding was absolutely amazing. Everything worked out, everyone had a great time and we ended up with some awesome stories to share. I have almost 800 pictures from the day and I will eventually get around to posting some. I still feel like the wedding was too much to sum up in a blog post or a story. It was magic and it's still hard to believe that such a beautiful day was meant for me. I was so happy to feel so much love in one room. Not only the love Collin and I share, but also the great love stories of our parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. It was perfect. I hesitate to use that word, but it truly was.
Sure, there are things I would do different if I could, but it was super special even with misadventures.
Our honeymoon was also amazing and beautiful. We had some amazing adventure the most exciting of which was our helicopter ride over Maui, Moloka'i and Lana'i. We were going to go on a Zipline trip, but they were all booked up. As the zipline would have cost about $400 for the two of us, we thought, 'Hey, why don't we just add that money to our helicopter trip we wanted?".
So, Collin bought first class tickets and we got to see some of the most breathtaking sights. Whales, waterfalls, sunken battleships, and 3000ft sea cliffs. The world is such a wonderful place if you have the opportunity to slow down and just take it all in. Pictures also to come.
Sadly, in the hustle and bustle of trying to get back to our apartment I left my computer at my mom's house. So I have to use to work computer or Collin's and it's just not the same. I feel like I'm cheating on my laptop.
Going back to work was just as exciting as I thought it'd be. I'm yet again reminded how apathetic I am about this job. My boss lives in la-la land that's all about appearances. He's been telling me he's the vice-president of the company, which is in fact, not true. His brother is the vice-president.
He acts like he manages the place, but all he really does is sign the time cards. He also does the books, but I think I do them better. It's pretty sad when everyone in the corporate office calls your lackey because you don't even know how to do the paperwork properly for the company you like to pretend you the vice-president of.
This could be my longest post ever. But I feel like I have a lot pent up. I haven't even gotten to what I really wanted to talk about. If any one actually reads this, I applaud you for making it this far.
Now that I'm married, the next question the husband and I wonder is, "What about kids?" We both really want children and would like to start sooner rather than later. Is there ever a time you're really ready for children?
I want to be a stay at home mom and my husband supports this. So do I get pregnant and then just quit my job? Do we try to save up a bunch of money before the baby? Do we move first?
Part of me wants to just quit my job and start trying for a baby and just become a house wife. That seriously appeals to me. I feel like working I'm not home enough, like I can't get anything done. I want to spend time with my husband when he comes home from work not do laundry and dishes the whole time.
Here's hoping. I'm a firm believer that everything will work out. The cards are what they are and the chips will fall however they are meant to.
Saturday, April 2, 2011
Saturday, March 5, 2011
15 Days
It is officially crunch time.
Today is my darling dearest's 26th Birthday. I feel like I let him down this year, but I promise his first birthday as my husband will be awesome. This wedding is just sucking the life out of everyone.
It is a super joyous time, but the stress from it all is making C-man and I feel sick almost all the time. It feels like we'll never get there from here, but in a few short weeks we'll be in Hawaii as husband and wife and we'll get to relax. Something that we both deserve.
I've been running the store where I work for the past week and I'm pleased that things are going smoothly. So far no mishaps and we're almost done with the week. I'm sure my boss will be pleased to find his store didn't run itself into the ground while he was gone.
I'm secretly hoping that the two weeks I'm gone from work this place turns into a storm of epic proportions. I know it's wrong to wish failure on my place of business, but I really want my boss to understand how valuable I am and all the work I do here.
He complains that I talk back. That I'm sick all the time. If he asks for my opinion I give it, he doesn't always like it, but I'm not one to cower from a person. Respect is earned, not given and they don't pay me enough here for me to fear for my job.
While I'm gone I'm refusing to answer my phone. Yet again, they don't pay me enough for me to be on call 24/7.
This past week at work without my boss has been positively blissful. No one barking at me to take care of their personal business. No one getting on my ass for how I do things.
Only 45 minutes left and then I get to head home. Then we need to get ready to leave for Seattle. It's going to be a long weekend, but I can't wait to see my niece.
Every little bit counts, right?
Today is my darling dearest's 26th Birthday. I feel like I let him down this year, but I promise his first birthday as my husband will be awesome. This wedding is just sucking the life out of everyone.
It is a super joyous time, but the stress from it all is making C-man and I feel sick almost all the time. It feels like we'll never get there from here, but in a few short weeks we'll be in Hawaii as husband and wife and we'll get to relax. Something that we both deserve.
I've been running the store where I work for the past week and I'm pleased that things are going smoothly. So far no mishaps and we're almost done with the week. I'm sure my boss will be pleased to find his store didn't run itself into the ground while he was gone.
I'm secretly hoping that the two weeks I'm gone from work this place turns into a storm of epic proportions. I know it's wrong to wish failure on my place of business, but I really want my boss to understand how valuable I am and all the work I do here.
He complains that I talk back. That I'm sick all the time. If he asks for my opinion I give it, he doesn't always like it, but I'm not one to cower from a person. Respect is earned, not given and they don't pay me enough here for me to fear for my job.
While I'm gone I'm refusing to answer my phone. Yet again, they don't pay me enough for me to be on call 24/7.
This past week at work without my boss has been positively blissful. No one barking at me to take care of their personal business. No one getting on my ass for how I do things.
Only 45 minutes left and then I get to head home. Then we need to get ready to leave for Seattle. It's going to be a long weekend, but I can't wait to see my niece.
Every little bit counts, right?
Friday, February 25, 2011
23 days, Blarg!
I am starting to really freak out about the wedding. This weekend is going to be one of the busiest of my life. My mom is driving down to get me right now. Still have to pack things up. I'm so nervous about this weekend that my palms are sweating like crazy. I feel like I'm in high school or something.
Once this weekend is done we'll have a lot of stuff taken care of and that makes me really happy. Now if 1 'clock would roll around so I can go home and get this show on the road. Once I start getting stuff out of the way I'm going to feel so much better.
Yet again, keep reminding myself that in 25 days my white ass will in be in Hawaii.
Once this weekend is done we'll have a lot of stuff taken care of and that makes me really happy. Now if 1 'clock would roll around so I can go home and get this show on the road. Once I start getting stuff out of the way I'm going to feel so much better.
Yet again, keep reminding myself that in 25 days my white ass will in be in Hawaii.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
28 Days
With only 6 weeks until the wedding, Collin and I really felt the need to get into shape. Not just to look good in wedding pictures, or to feel great in Hawaii, but because we want to get healthy while it's still easy. We both want to start having kids shortly after we get married and being in shape will really help with having kids we figure.
So I started a 28 day challenge for myself. The goal is simple. To turn simple activities into habits. I want to turn going to the gym and washing my face twice a day a habit. I'm on day 5 and so far so good. I want to go to the gym twice a week and so far Collin and I have gone three times. It feels awesome.
When we're at the gym doing bench presses we joke about how we'll be able to bench press our kids. (So long as they don't weight more than 'X') That's what I find so enjoyable about weight lifting. I can see that X get bigger each time. I can challenge myself. I feel really powerful after a lifting session. The next two days that I'm sore I just feel like my body is repairing itself and making me stronger and I love that feeling.
It's nice to feel progress even when I can't see it on my love handles... yet. I know that if I keep this up I will see changes, I just have to keep it up!
I've also done awesome on washing my face twice a day so far. My skin freaked out a little bit at first, but it's calming down. It has the shinyness of my youth. Some people don't like to feel shiny. I love it. I feel like I glow.
Glowing is good.
So I started a 28 day challenge for myself. The goal is simple. To turn simple activities into habits. I want to turn going to the gym and washing my face twice a day a habit. I'm on day 5 and so far so good. I want to go to the gym twice a week and so far Collin and I have gone three times. It feels awesome.
When we're at the gym doing bench presses we joke about how we'll be able to bench press our kids. (So long as they don't weight more than 'X') That's what I find so enjoyable about weight lifting. I can see that X get bigger each time. I can challenge myself. I feel really powerful after a lifting session. The next two days that I'm sore I just feel like my body is repairing itself and making me stronger and I love that feeling.
It's nice to feel progress even when I can't see it on my love handles... yet. I know that if I keep this up I will see changes, I just have to keep it up!
I've also done awesome on washing my face twice a day so far. My skin freaked out a little bit at first, but it's calming down. It has the shinyness of my youth. Some people don't like to feel shiny. I love it. I feel like I glow.
Glowing is good.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
T - 46 days and counting
OMG! Only 46 days until I'm a married woman. I can't wait. We've been together for 7.5 years and I am ready for the next step. So is he. Excitement abounds.
We are steadily crossing things off the list. This past week my fiance and I have paid off the photographer and make-up artist, scheduled my first dress fitting, scheduled my hair-preview, sent out the bridal shower guest list, purchased shoes, ordered my undergarments and I made a necklace and bracelet set to wear for the wedding.
On top of that, I also kept the kitchen sink empty for a week. Which compared to my last post... that's pretty amazing. I also did laundry last week and vacuumed the living room. Collin and I even went to the gym and we're going back tonight!
Something about running out of time always gets my butt in gear. I really do well under pressure. However, the pressure tends to stress me out quite a bit which then leaves me feeling exhausted and nauseous. So to relieve my pressure, I remind myself that in T - minus 48 days, my white behind will be in Maui with my new husband.
And that's all I need.
We are steadily crossing things off the list. This past week my fiance and I have paid off the photographer and make-up artist, scheduled my first dress fitting, scheduled my hair-preview, sent out the bridal shower guest list, purchased shoes, ordered my undergarments and I made a necklace and bracelet set to wear for the wedding.
On top of that, I also kept the kitchen sink empty for a week. Which compared to my last post... that's pretty amazing. I also did laundry last week and vacuumed the living room. Collin and I even went to the gym and we're going back tonight!
Something about running out of time always gets my butt in gear. I really do well under pressure. However, the pressure tends to stress me out quite a bit which then leaves me feeling exhausted and nauseous. So to relieve my pressure, I remind myself that in T - minus 48 days, my white behind will be in Maui with my new husband.
And that's all I need.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Negativitron
My dear Collin and I picked up Little Big Planet 2 on Tuesday and in this game there is a vacuum called the Negativitron that sucks up all the the awesome things in Craftworld.
Sometimes I feel like the negativitron.
Last night I was a horrible, terrible, no good fiancee. Sometimes I'm a bad daughter, or a bad sister. This time I was just a bad partner, and I hate that feeling more than anything else. That feeling that I've hurt Collin's feelings for no reason other than to make myself feel better.
I'll let you in on a little secret. It never makes me feel better.
With us getting married in only 59 days, I can't help but doubt my future abilities as a wife.
I have to get this off my chest:
I am a terrible house keeper. Keeping my house/room clean has never been something I'm good at. It could be that I let things get so out of control that I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start. My bedroom usually looks something like this:
A. Sheets that need to be cleaned that are pulling off bed: Check!
B. Heaps on laundry on the floor (both clean and dirty): Oh-so-Check!
C. Shoes and other objects where they obviously don't belong: Yup!
D. A bit of trash here and there just to add to the 'derilicte' experience: Sure, why not!
E. Plants that need to be watered: Um-hmm...
F. A floor that need to be swept/vacuumed but you can't see it so you can't clean it: Yes, I have that too.
I've always had a room like that. For as long as I can remember. It seems I can only survive with chaos. I always seem to be able to find what I'm looking for and I never have guests in my house so I get a big lazy.
This wasn't a problem until Collin and I moved in together and had different ideas on what a house should be.
For him to be at peace, he needs a clean home to come home to. I don't blame him. I just wish I was better at providing that for him.
I keep hoping that when I have kids I'll start nesting and clean because they can't chose to live in a clean or dirty environment. It's unfair to raise them in a dirt pile. I have a hard enough time figuring out what my cats ate off the floor and barfed up.. I don't want to subject my unborn children to that.
So I add another thing to my never ending to-do list:
Start cleaning to be a better wife/mother and provide the home that my soon to be husband deserves. I know I can do it.. I just have to TRY!
Sometimes I feel like the negativitron.
Last night I was a horrible, terrible, no good fiancee. Sometimes I'm a bad daughter, or a bad sister. This time I was just a bad partner, and I hate that feeling more than anything else. That feeling that I've hurt Collin's feelings for no reason other than to make myself feel better.
I'll let you in on a little secret. It never makes me feel better.
With us getting married in only 59 days, I can't help but doubt my future abilities as a wife.
I have to get this off my chest:
I am a terrible house keeper. Keeping my house/room clean has never been something I'm good at. It could be that I let things get so out of control that I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start. My bedroom usually looks something like this:
A. Sheets that need to be cleaned that are pulling off bed: Check!
B. Heaps on laundry on the floor (both clean and dirty): Oh-so-Check!
C. Shoes and other objects where they obviously don't belong: Yup!
D. A bit of trash here and there just to add to the 'derilicte' experience: Sure, why not!
E. Plants that need to be watered: Um-hmm...
F. A floor that need to be swept/vacuumed but you can't see it so you can't clean it: Yes, I have that too.
I've always had a room like that. For as long as I can remember. It seems I can only survive with chaos. I always seem to be able to find what I'm looking for and I never have guests in my house so I get a big lazy.
This wasn't a problem until Collin and I moved in together and had different ideas on what a house should be.
For him to be at peace, he needs a clean home to come home to. I don't blame him. I just wish I was better at providing that for him.
I keep hoping that when I have kids I'll start nesting and clean because they can't chose to live in a clean or dirty environment. It's unfair to raise them in a dirt pile. I have a hard enough time figuring out what my cats ate off the floor and barfed up.. I don't want to subject my unborn children to that.
So I add another thing to my never ending to-do list:
Start cleaning to be a better wife/mother and provide the home that my soon to be husband deserves. I know I can do it.. I just have to TRY!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Wedding madness and 2011 in general
It is now almost halfway through January 2011. I am 65 days away from being married and the anti-ca...... pation is setting in. There is so much to be done in such a short amount of time. I honestly have trouble justifying it all. So much money for a 5 hour party.
I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.
I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.
That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.
The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.
January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.
After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.
In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.
I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.
I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.
That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.
The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.
January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.
After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.
In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.
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