Pregnant Dreams

Last night I dreamt about:

• My husband and I hanging out in the woods. I see two foxes acting aggressive in a steam. Then Collin sees a skunk. I turn around and watch the skunk climb the tree. When I look back at Collin there is a second skunk and it sprayed near him. We then had to exit though very thick mud, very slowly so as not to make the pair of skunks upset.

• Getting a manicure after having broken three nails. In reality I broke a nail last night and I must have been more upset about it than I thought.

There was more that I can't seem to remember, but those two stood out. It's amazing how vivid and detailed they were. In my dreams I kept telling people I was pregnant.  Like it was important information that explained every situation I was in.

Being pregnant is very strange at times.

I'm happy to report that the past two days I have successfully left the whole night through. I've also had vegetables two days in a row and not thrown them up. While I still have nausea, I'm sleeping better and throwing up less and it seems like the biggest victory in a long time. I'm hoping I feel awesome for Our first wedding anniversary coming up.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Little Victories

Yesterday was Collin's Birthday and I had pretty bad morning sickness most of the day.

It all started with my 3:30am wake-up call and having no yogurt (or food really) in the house. I tried to choke down crackers but it just wasn't working. I ended up heading back to bed like usual only to wake up again at 8:30am feeling even worse and more exhausted than I knew possible. I literally walked into the guest bedroom to get something, sat down, and then woke up an hour and a half later.

By the time I made it down stairs I was convinced the day was going to be a wash. Normally I don't care when morning sickness stops me from doing anything because I don't have anything to do. Yesterday I actually had a ton of stuff to do. I still had to put the finishing touches on Collin's birthday.

Birthday's are incredibly important to me. Sure you share your birthday with millions, but you can't deny that your birthday always feels like a special day. A day in time just for you. A day to celebrate your many years on earth and to hope for the future.

My husband certainly deserves to be celebrated. I do my best to celebrate him every day because he's so awesome to me. He's the poster husband for how men should be while their wife is pregnant. But the one day of the year I wanted to really, REALLY, celebrate him; I felt sicker than a dog.

By the end of the day I managed to print off a gift card and find a birthday card I made to give to him. I also gave him Chrono Trigger for SNES. I'm pretty sure Chrono trigger alone would have made his entire month. After he got off work, we went to a candy store and bought him some treats for his birthday. Does it sound like we're 8 year-olds? We probably are. And it's awesome.

Then we went out to P.F. Changs for his birthday meal. It was the first meal I'd had in over a month where I didn't feel the need to be picky. I ate the things I would normally eat, they all stayed down and then to top it all off, I slept for 7 hours straight last night. Which is my new record over the past month. I couldn't believe it. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 7:20. It was pretty damn magical.

A birthday miracle perhaps?

Collin had a great birthday and felt loved and celebrated and that was all I truly wanted. To give him a night that wasn't about me feeling sick, or being pregnant. A day to just talk about what he wanted and do what he wanted. It was the best day I've had in a long time.

Middle of the night ponderings

Tonight has been a rough night. I'm trying not to whine about being pregnant, but honestly, so far it's really hard work.

Before I got pregnant I knew morning sickness existed. I just underestimated how bad it could be. I'm used to being nauseous and vomiting. As I have crohn's disease, I'm not new to this ball game. I'm just not used to it being practically incurable.

With Crohn's I'm able to find relief. I can avoid what's causing the upset. I can take copious amounts of drugs to fix what ails me.  I can't seem to do this while being pregnant.

I've read that now that I'm entering 9 weeks, the placenta should start making some hormones soon and I should start to feel better in 4 or 5 weeks. Seeing as I've felt this way for 4 or 5 weeks, I feel like I can handle the tail end of this wild ride.

My new mantra is, "You just have to make it to you're birthday next month. See how you feel then."

Having a day in mind seems to help. Something to look forward to. Even if I don't feel great on my birthday, I'll at least be 4 weeks farther along and hopefully 4 weeks closer to eating real food again. My eating habits have changed so drastically, I don't even know who I am anymore. My grocery store game plan is completely different from what it used to be. What used to be veggies and meat has been replaced by processed potatoes and ginger ale. I never used to eat yogurt, now I eat at least one a day.

And my poor, poor husband. He went from having a housewife who cooked every night to a housewife who refuses to enter the kitchen. I can hardly open the fridge, let alone look at the dishes. He's gained weight while I've lost. He's such a trooper, and I honestly couldn't ask for a more supportive husband.

Even if I snap at him about silly things like always using the fan while cooking, he's still so patient. I swear I can smell the heat coming off the stove and it makes me feel sick and he just listens and turns the fan on. He tries his best to suggest foods to me, even though nine times out of ten I don't want what he suggests. He runs to the store when I run out of ginger ale. He is wonderful and I'm proud to be making our baby.

Now if I could just stop feeling so sick, all would be right in the world.

Valentine's Day

It's 2am on Valentine's Day and I'm dealing with an epic case of nighttime morning sickness. It started with my evening snack and has continued thru my midnight snack. Not exactly how I planned to spend my early Valentine's Day, but c'est la vie.

I went downstairs to get  my midnight snack and found my husband had gotten my some potted lilies for V-Day. I felt like a naughty child peeking at my Christmas presents. But they are beautiful and smell even better so I'm trying not to beat myself up about it.

Valentine's Day is so different this year. Usually we drive up to Spokane and have brunch where we got married/engaged, but this year it just didn't seem like a good idea. Going to an all you can eat brunch with unlimited mimosas when you can't eat or drink anything just didn't sound like a good use of money. I honestly felt like it would be a waste.

So Collin is making me Toad in a Hole (egg in a basket to some) for breakfast tomorrow. I'm hoping my stomach will cooperate as I do love a good toad in a hole. My love also plans on making dinner. I do hope that I feel well enough to enjoy in the day.

I had hoped to do something for Collin, but it seems I lack the energy to even do things for myself these days. I'm hoping I'll dream something up that will be perfect. It's the little things in life and this day is all about reminding your loved ones how much you care. I know I can figure out a way to do that.

Well, it's 2:15 and I'm having trouble keeping my eyes open. Time to put another episode of Gossip Girl on netflix and hit the hay.

You're killing me, smalls!

Hi, readers. I have some exciting news! I've been trying to keep my mouth shut, but I just can't any longer.

I'm 6 weeks pregnant today!

I was hoping to hold out mentioning anything until 12 weeks or we heard a heart beat after past experiences, but when you're excited it's nice to share good news.

Oh, and I'm dying of morning sickness and I don't think I can hide it anymore.

Add a bathrobe and a layer of sweat and it's pretty close to what I look like.

As a food blogger/general lover of food I'm pretty miserable. At the moment food is both my best friend and my mortal enemy, which I'm finding a hard line to walk.

I have to keep eating every 3 hours. Somewhat like the movie Speed, if my blood sugar drops to a certain level I explode in a storm of upchucking that would make even the skinniest model both nervous and proud. At one point in time I was worried I ruptured a blood vessel near my eyebrow as every time I'd have a bout of morning sickness it felt like my skull was trying to find a way through my skin and escape my body entirely. I don't blame it for trying.

Once this ick sets in, I know I need to eat something.
But once the ick sets in, nothing sounds good. Even things that sound good, once you're faced with them become intolerable. I have a few constant friends so far, bagels and cheerios. Two things that once eaten will keep me in a reasonably good mood for at least 3 hours.

One day baby carrots were my savior, last night they were my downfall.

I wake up every morning and tell myself that the awful sickness I feel is in fact a comforting reassurance that I'm still pregnant. I tell myself when I wake up in the middle of the night that I'm baking a damn good bun, and that I'll hopefully feel better in 6 weeks or so. I'm also secretly hoping my blood work will come back saying I'm farther along than I really am and that the end of morning sickness is near. A girl can wish.

Then I ponder all the women before me who've made it through this before or who have had it worse. I think of their strength and try to use it to bolster my own. I think of the women who so desperately wish they could feel morning sickness but have to fight just to get pregnant. I think of their strength and keep fighting for them, not wasting the gift I've been given.

Despite what anyone might tell you, getting pregnant is not easy*. Being pregnant isn't easy either.

* It seems like if you're trying it's not easy, but once you stop trying you get knocked up. That's been my experience anyway. It's pretty much a crap shoot.