Plans: None.
I kind of like it that way. Collin is using his new macbook to learn Fragile from Sting on Garageband. After that we're going to play some Rocksmith. Maybe we'll record some music. Who knows? Tonight we'll just play our instruments and enjoy another night with each other.
Our New Year's resolutions are simple:
Collin: Put on 15lbs of muscle.
Me: Lose 15lbs of fat / get in the best shape so we can work on our mutual resolution...
Both of Us: Try for a baby.
Sounds like they're lofty but also attainable. But I kinda like it that way.
Happy New Year to you all. Enjoy 2012 and all that it has in store.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Pregnant for a day
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby. We haven't been trying very long and when I found out on Sunday the 20th I was pregnant we were both incredibly happy. But something just didn't feel right. We told our parents even though our guts said not to. I spent all day Monday calling midwives in the area and setting up appointments.
Then I started bleeding last night. Just like a period. Now I kick myself for taking that stupid pregnancy test. Had I waited for my period to be a week late and then taken the test, well, I wouldn't have had to take the test at all! I would have just thought that my period was extremely late.
Instead I feel like a failure.
I KNOW that these things happen. I KNOW I am lucky that it happened so early on, but it doesn't make the sting any less.
When I told my mom that I was bleeding I could hear in her voice how disappointed she was. Not in me, but in losing the grandchild she never had.
It went from having exciting Thanksgiving news to explaining to family that I miscarried. I. Miscarried.
Not the embryo spontaneously aborted, I miscarried. Just the name implies that you did it to yourself.
I'm sure there are people out there that would say this is my payback for having an abortion at 22. I'm sticking with cruel fate. Some things are meant to be, some aren't. Me having a baby in July just is something that isn't meant to be for now.
My husband is taking it well. We both feel that this is a blessing to allow us to save up more money and become more settled. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but it's hard right now.
How can you grieve for something you never really had in the first place?
I know eventually I'll be a mom, and honestly I'm in no rush. I'm happy to have a little more time, but sad too.
I am not alone, and I am not the first woman to miscarry. I will make it through this and in the end I'll have a beautiful family.
Then I started bleeding last night. Just like a period. Now I kick myself for taking that stupid pregnancy test. Had I waited for my period to be a week late and then taken the test, well, I wouldn't have had to take the test at all! I would have just thought that my period was extremely late.
Instead I feel like a failure.
I KNOW that these things happen. I KNOW I am lucky that it happened so early on, but it doesn't make the sting any less.
When I told my mom that I was bleeding I could hear in her voice how disappointed she was. Not in me, but in losing the grandchild she never had.
It went from having exciting Thanksgiving news to explaining to family that I miscarried. I. Miscarried.
Not the embryo spontaneously aborted, I miscarried. Just the name implies that you did it to yourself.
I'm sure there are people out there that would say this is my payback for having an abortion at 22. I'm sticking with cruel fate. Some things are meant to be, some aren't. Me having a baby in July just is something that isn't meant to be for now.
My husband is taking it well. We both feel that this is a blessing to allow us to save up more money and become more settled. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but it's hard right now.
How can you grieve for something you never really had in the first place?
I know eventually I'll be a mom, and honestly I'm in no rush. I'm happy to have a little more time, but sad too.
I am not alone, and I am not the first woman to miscarry. I will make it through this and in the end I'll have a beautiful family.
Monday, November 7, 2011
Autumn Adventures
So I said I would post fall pictures I took awhile back and here I am getting around to it.
Today was a very cold, very gray day. I did wake up early which was a pleasant change from the past week or so. On top of waking up early I also managed to get a decent amount of work done around the house. Cleaned the bedroom, did laundry, and started working on unpacking the guest bedroom. As I had such a productive day I feel I can spend some time posting pictures.
Enjoy.
Today was a very cold, very gray day. I did wake up early which was a pleasant change from the past week or so. On top of waking up early I also managed to get a decent amount of work done around the house. Cleaned the bedroom, did laundry, and started working on unpacking the guest bedroom. As I had such a productive day I feel I can spend some time posting pictures.
Enjoy.
 |
| A bike rider, taken while driving |
 |
| Fall from my Dashboard, taken while driving |
 |
| Horse and Birch |
 |
| Fall in the Desert |
 |
 |
| Pond |
 |
| Fall Reflections |
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Oh man..
I've been so tired lately. Recently moved a few towns over and still don't quite feel settled in. Thought I would blog just to say I'm alive and that I'll have something important to say soon. I took some fall pictures the other day and as soon as I get a chance I'll post them, I swear!
Saturday, September 24, 2011
Hobbies - Photography
I've been seriously slacking on all my hobbies. Being a housewife my job entails keeping my house livable. This should be easy as I'm here all day long, but with Twitter and Facebook calling my name all day I seem to lose track of time quite easily.
In college one of my favorite hobbies was taking pictures. I still love to take pictures, but it seems like the desert has been lacking inspiration for me. I used to take so many pictures that it was necessary to have a pro account on Flickr. After two years here, my pro account has lapsed, and I still haven't figured out how to use my new camera (from last Christmas).
I'm getting there though. Here are some recent-ish photos I've taken. Enjoy!
In college one of my favorite hobbies was taking pictures. I still love to take pictures, but it seems like the desert has been lacking inspiration for me. I used to take so many pictures that it was necessary to have a pro account on Flickr. After two years here, my pro account has lapsed, and I still haven't figured out how to use my new camera (from last Christmas).
I'm getting there though. Here are some recent-ish photos I've taken. Enjoy!
 |
| Iridescent Orchid |
 |
| Iris - Pike's Place Market Seattle |
 |
| Peony - Pike's Place Market Seattle |
 |
| Veggies Prepped for Stirfry |
 |
| Crochet Sweater I made June 2011 |
 |
| Sparklers July 4th, 2011 |
 |
| Scheherazade posing on her tower - August 2011 |
 |
| Catnip Flowering - August 2011 |
 |
| Angry Squirrel - September 2011 |
 |
| Praying Mantis - September 2011 |
Friday, September 23, 2011
Defining Success
What is success? The more I talk with friends and family about what success is to them, the more I realize everyone has a different answer. To some it's making a name for themselves and having a great career. Others desire families. It's not just get a job, buy a house, have a family. The dream is different for everyone.
After graduating college I job hopped. In the process I learned a lot about myself.
Such as:
After graduating college I job hopped. In the process I learned a lot about myself.
Such as:
- I have trouble with corporations, and I don't want to work for mega-conglomerates.
- I disagree with nepotism and believe that position should be derived from merit and skill rather than "who you know".
- I like autonomy.
- I need to feel like a valued part of a team where my skills and knowledge are desired and appreciated.
- My health does impact my ability to work and that being healthy 90% of the time is great for me, not so much for employers. You can't tell an employer that you'll likely be sick 25 days a year. All the more reason to carve my own path.
After a year of working part-time at a job that I loved the job with a boss I hated, I quit. My husband indulged me. He's indulging my desires to stay home and do my own thing. As soon as I figure out what my 'thing' is the better.
Success for me comes in the small gains. Seeing how happy my husband is when I unexpectedly make his lunch. Lowering my weekly grocery bill to $65-$80. Writing for bitchbuzz.com. All of these things make me feel successful. To some it would seem boring and hardly a success, but I know life is short enough that you have to enjoy each little gain.
While I have moments where I am incredibly lonely cooped up in my apartment, I am genuinely happy and feel like I'm on the path to my own personal success. I'm writing again, and I'm incredibly proud of my recipes. I hope to increase what I get to write about beyond just food.
Opportunities await.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
Jill of All Trades
I've always tried to be a Jill of all trades. I figured that I would be the most useful by knowing many skills. I'm pretty sure my fixation with being 'of use' stems from my reading The Cider House Rules by John Irving when I was in high school.
Homer, the title character is always trying to be 'of use' and uses that as much of his driving force in the novel. The major difference between Homer and I is that he was an expert at a few things, and I'm not an expert at anything. (I am great at trivia so I know I'm super smart. lol)
I have a lot of skills, but I always seem to get just far enough so that I can muddle through projects. I never dive deeper. Perhaps it's my fear of failure that stops me, but I feel like it's getting in the way with being the most productive person I can be.
The biggest problem is that I just don't know what exactly I want to spend copious amounts of time doing. Do I want to become a better piano player? Absolutely, yes! But I have to work for it. I'd have to play my scales... I'd have to work rather than just have fun playing my pop tunes.
Do I want to become better at knitting and crochet? You betcha! But I need to get size 8 needles and don't have a coupon.
I'm just too good at making excuses for why I can't do something rather than just doing it.
Is it a lack of passion or motivation?
I've been so bored lately, but I know it's because I'm just not keeping myself busy enough. There are lots of things I could do but I don't want to. I don't even know what I want to do!
Will I ever?
All I know is that I have the love of a good man, a comfy home, good food, and really couldn't ask for anything else. That's enough for me for the moment. Sooner or later I'll find my calling... whatever it may be.
Homer, the title character is always trying to be 'of use' and uses that as much of his driving force in the novel. The major difference between Homer and I is that he was an expert at a few things, and I'm not an expert at anything. (I am great at trivia so I know I'm super smart. lol)
I have a lot of skills, but I always seem to get just far enough so that I can muddle through projects. I never dive deeper. Perhaps it's my fear of failure that stops me, but I feel like it's getting in the way with being the most productive person I can be.
The biggest problem is that I just don't know what exactly I want to spend copious amounts of time doing. Do I want to become a better piano player? Absolutely, yes! But I have to work for it. I'd have to play my scales... I'd have to work rather than just have fun playing my pop tunes.
Do I want to become better at knitting and crochet? You betcha! But I need to get size 8 needles and don't have a coupon.
I'm just too good at making excuses for why I can't do something rather than just doing it.
Is it a lack of passion or motivation?
I've been so bored lately, but I know it's because I'm just not keeping myself busy enough. There are lots of things I could do but I don't want to. I don't even know what I want to do!
Will I ever?
All I know is that I have the love of a good man, a comfy home, good food, and really couldn't ask for anything else. That's enough for me for the moment. Sooner or later I'll find my calling... whatever it may be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)