It is now almost halfway through January 2011. I am 65 days away from being married and the anti-ca...... pation is setting in. There is so much to be done in such a short amount of time. I honestly have trouble justifying it all. So much money for a 5 hour party.
I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.
I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.
That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.
The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.
January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.
After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.
In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.
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