More crazy dreams

Last night I got a full 8 hours sleep in one go. No bathroom breaks, no midnight snacks. There is one side effect to all this sleeping I've found. I have more dreams. And they're not like my normal non-pregnant dreams. I understand why I have most of my dreams and it seems my mind is playing out all my worst and most irational fears to prepare me for motherhood. Most of my dreams are incredibly real and emotional now. No more fun 'I CAN FLY!' dreams.

Here's the latest batch of strangeness to come from my mind.

• Had a dream I was a student in high school taking a class on how to be the best employee. There was this long list of things on the chalkboard about what made someone a better employee than the rest and I didn't have one quality on the board. Oddly I don't remember anything that was on the board, just that I didn't have any of it.

 *I'm pretty sure this one stems from my transition from a working person to housewife. *

• A very emotional dream where I screwed up the knit pattern on a baby sweater I'm making and I had to rip the entire thing apart. I vividly remember crying in this dream over how upset and frustrated I was. I honestly thought the dream was real when I woke up and was really upset.

 *I was afraid to look at the sweater the next day for fear it was all true. Luckily it was all a horrible dream and my baby cardigan is coming together. I've gotten quite a few compliments and feel very proud to have made such a lovely gift.*

• Collin and a gaggle of girls are all disagreeing with me and I have no way to talk to them. They're dismissing everything I say and treating me like a child. I got so upset by them not listening to what I have to say. I took my wedding ring off and threw it at Collin saying that if he agreed with them so much that he could be with them too. 

*Pretty sure this one is my fear of Collin and I disagreeing over circumcision and him siding with people other than me. I just can't stomach someone cutting at my baby's genitals for cosmetic reasons. We aren't religious we wont use that as a reason, so for us it would be cosmetic. I know there is anesthesia and that boys don't remember it, but I can't get around it.  It's hard holding your own opinion when everyone tells you how they disagree with it. But at the end of the day I believe in standing for what I believe in and only changing your opinion when someone can show you evidence to support their beliefs. Collin and I believe in compromise and I feel like we've found a way to solve our disagreement that meets both parties needs. So if we have a boy, Collin will take him in for the circumcision and care for it for the following week so that I don't have to be a part of something I don't feel comfortable with. Both parties happy.  I just keep hoping for a girl. ;-) *

Late 20s

Today marks my official entry into my 'Late 20s'. I don't feel old, but I don't feel young either. I'm at this strange point in my life where I've accomplished quite a bit, but there still is so much life left to live. I'm starting to feel my own mortality creeping in.

I've always been aware of the impending demise of myself and those around me. Now that I'm pregnant, my desire to keep everyone safe and healthy has increased thirty-fold. I'm worried about my parents who to me in their 50s and 60s aren't old yet. But then I think of my grandparents, I remember being a child and them being in their 60s. I know how hold they are now that I'm adult. Some are gone, others are passing. I'm reminded that as my children grow up, so too will my parents, and quite honestly I wish I could just freeze time for them. I appreciate my parents more now than ever and all I can think about is how scared I am to lose them.

Every day I'm reminded that this little baby will never meet their grandma Judy and it makes me sad.
Will we be able to convey who she was to them? Will they believe us when we tell them that surely she loves them just as much as if she had been with us? What do we tell them about the afterlife? Do we tell them about the heaven we don't believe in, or teach them laws of physics about energy never being destroyed?

I just keep hoping that no heart attacks or cancers fall upon us, but I'm not naive enough to believe that. Getting older is both a blessing and a sad passing of my youth.

As cliche as it is, you don't realize how precious time is until it's almost gone.

Pregnant Dreams

Last night I dreamt about:

• My husband and I hanging out in the woods. I see two foxes acting aggressive in a steam. Then Collin sees a skunk. I turn around and watch the skunk climb the tree. When I look back at Collin there is a second skunk and it sprayed near him. We then had to exit though very thick mud, very slowly so as not to make the pair of skunks upset.

• Getting a manicure after having broken three nails. In reality I broke a nail last night and I must have been more upset about it than I thought.

There was more that I can't seem to remember, but those two stood out. It's amazing how vivid and detailed they were. In my dreams I kept telling people I was pregnant.  Like it was important information that explained every situation I was in.

Being pregnant is very strange at times.

I'm happy to report that the past two days I have successfully left the whole night through. I've also had vegetables two days in a row and not thrown them up. While I still have nausea, I'm sleeping better and throwing up less and it seems like the biggest victory in a long time. I'm hoping I feel awesome for Our first wedding anniversary coming up.

Keeping my fingers crossed.

Little Victories

Yesterday was Collin's Birthday and I had pretty bad morning sickness most of the day.

It all started with my 3:30am wake-up call and having no yogurt (or food really) in the house. I tried to choke down crackers but it just wasn't working. I ended up heading back to bed like usual only to wake up again at 8:30am feeling even worse and more exhausted than I knew possible. I literally walked into the guest bedroom to get something, sat down, and then woke up an hour and a half later.

By the time I made it down stairs I was convinced the day was going to be a wash. Normally I don't care when morning sickness stops me from doing anything because I don't have anything to do. Yesterday I actually had a ton of stuff to do. I still had to put the finishing touches on Collin's birthday.

Birthday's are incredibly important to me. Sure you share your birthday with millions, but you can't deny that your birthday always feels like a special day. A day in time just for you. A day to celebrate your many years on earth and to hope for the future.

My husband certainly deserves to be celebrated. I do my best to celebrate him every day because he's so awesome to me. He's the poster husband for how men should be while their wife is pregnant. But the one day of the year I wanted to really, REALLY, celebrate him; I felt sicker than a dog.

By the end of the day I managed to print off a gift card and find a birthday card I made to give to him. I also gave him Chrono Trigger for SNES. I'm pretty sure Chrono trigger alone would have made his entire month. After he got off work, we went to a candy store and bought him some treats for his birthday. Does it sound like we're 8 year-olds? We probably are. And it's awesome.

Then we went out to P.F. Changs for his birthday meal. It was the first meal I'd had in over a month where I didn't feel the need to be picky. I ate the things I would normally eat, they all stayed down and then to top it all off, I slept for 7 hours straight last night. Which is my new record over the past month. I couldn't believe it. I went to bed at midnight and woke up at 7:20. It was pretty damn magical.

A birthday miracle perhaps?

Collin had a great birthday and felt loved and celebrated and that was all I truly wanted. To give him a night that wasn't about me feeling sick, or being pregnant. A day to just talk about what he wanted and do what he wanted. It was the best day I've had in a long time.