Negativitron

My dear Collin and I picked up Little Big Planet 2 on Tuesday and in this game there is a vacuum called the Negativitron that sucks up all the the awesome things in Craftworld.

Sometimes I feel like the negativitron.


Last night I was a horrible, terrible, no good fiancee. Sometimes I'm a bad daughter, or a bad sister. This time I was just a bad partner, and I hate that feeling more than anything else. That feeling that I've hurt Collin's feelings for no reason other than to make myself feel better.

I'll let you in on a little secret. It never makes me feel better.

With us getting married in only 59 days, I can't help but doubt my future abilities as a wife.

I have to get this off my chest:

I am a terrible house keeper. Keeping my house/room clean has never been something I'm good at. It could be that I let things get so out of control that I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start. My bedroom usually looks something like this:


A. Sheets that need to be cleaned that are pulling off bed: Check!
B. Heaps on laundry on the floor (both clean and dirty): Oh-so-Check!
C. Shoes and other objects where they obviously don't belong: Yup!
D. A bit of trash here and there just to add to the 'derilicte' experience: Sure, why not!
E. Plants that need to be watered: Um-hmm...
F. A floor that need to be swept/vacuumed but you can't see it so you can't clean it: Yes, I have that too.

I've always had a room like that. For as long as I can remember. It seems I can only survive with chaos. I always seem to be able to find what I'm looking for and I never have guests in my house so I get a big lazy.

This wasn't a problem until Collin and I moved in together and had different ideas on what a house should be.

For him to be at peace, he needs a clean home to come home to. I don't blame him. I just wish I was better at providing that for him.

I keep hoping that when I have kids I'll start nesting and clean because they can't chose to live in a clean or dirty environment. It's unfair to raise them in a dirt pile. I have a hard enough time figuring out what my cats ate off the floor and barfed up.. I don't want to subject my unborn children to that.

So I add another thing to my never ending to-do list:
Start cleaning to be a better wife/mother and provide the home that my soon to be husband deserves. I know I can do it.. I just have to TRY!