New Year's Eve

Plans: None.

I kind of like it that way. Collin is using his new macbook to learn Fragile from Sting on Garageband. After that we're going to play some Rocksmith. Maybe we'll record some music. Who knows? Tonight we'll just play our instruments and enjoy another night with each other.

Our New Year's resolutions are simple:

Collin: Put on 15lbs of muscle.
Me: Lose 15lbs of fat / get in the best shape so we can work on our mutual resolution...
Both of Us: Try for a baby.

Sounds like they're lofty but also attainable. But I kinda like it that way.

Happy New Year to you all. Enjoy 2012 and all that it has in store.

Pregnant for a day

My husband and I have been trying to have a baby. We haven't been trying very long and when I found out on Sunday the 20th I was pregnant we were both incredibly happy. But something just didn't feel right. We told our parents even though our guts said not to. I spent all day Monday calling midwives in the area and setting up appointments.

Then I started bleeding last night. Just like a period. Now I kick myself for taking that stupid pregnancy test. Had I waited for my period to be a week late and then taken the test, well, I wouldn't have had to take the test at all! I would have just thought that my period was extremely late.

Instead I feel like a failure.

I KNOW that these things happen. I KNOW I am lucky that it happened so early on, but it doesn't make the sting any less.

When I told my mom that I was bleeding I could hear in her voice how disappointed she was. Not in me, but in losing the grandchild she never had.

It went from having exciting Thanksgiving news to explaining to family that I miscarried. I. Miscarried.

Not the embryo spontaneously aborted, I miscarried. Just the name implies that you did it to yourself.

I'm sure there are people out there that would say this is my payback for having an abortion at 22. I'm sticking with cruel fate. Some things are meant to be, some aren't. Me having a baby in July just is something that isn't meant to be for now.

My husband is taking it well. We both feel that this is a blessing to allow us to save up more money and become more settled. I'm trying to focus on the positive, but it's hard right now.

How can you grieve for something you never really had in the first place?

I know eventually I'll be a mom, and honestly I'm in no rush. I'm happy to have a little more time, but sad too.

I am not alone, and I am not the first woman to miscarry. I will make it through this and in the end I'll have a beautiful family.

Autumn Adventures

So I said I would post fall pictures I took awhile back and here I am getting around to it.

Today was a very cold, very gray day. I did wake up early which was a pleasant change from the past week or so. On top of waking up early I also managed to get a decent amount of work done around the house. Cleaned the bedroom, did laundry, and started working on unpacking the guest bedroom. As I had such a productive day I feel I can spend some time posting pictures.

Enjoy.

A bike rider, taken while driving

Fall from my Dashboard, taken while driving

Horse and Birch

Fall in the Desert

Pond

Fall Reflections

Oh man..

I've been so tired lately. Recently moved a few towns over and still don't quite feel settled in. Thought I would blog just to say I'm alive and that I'll have something important to say soon. I took some fall pictures the other day and as soon as I get a chance I'll post them, I swear!

Hobbies - Photography

I've been seriously slacking on all my hobbies. Being a housewife my job entails keeping my house livable. This should be easy as I'm here all day long, but with Twitter and Facebook calling my name all day I seem to lose track of time quite easily.

In college one of my favorite hobbies was taking pictures. I still love to take pictures, but it seems like the desert has been lacking inspiration for me. I used to take so many pictures that it was necessary to have a pro account on Flickr. After two years here, my pro account has lapsed, and I still haven't figured out how to use my new camera (from last Christmas).

I'm getting there though. Here are some recent-ish photos I've taken. Enjoy!

Iridescent Orchid

Iris - Pike's Place Market Seattle

Peony - Pike's Place Market Seattle

Veggies Prepped for Stirfry

Crochet Sweater I made June 2011

Sparklers July 4th, 2011

Scheherazade posing on her tower - August 2011

Catnip Flowering - August 2011

Angry Squirrel - September 2011

Praying Mantis - September 2011

Defining Success

What is success? The more I talk with friends and family about what success is to them, the more I realize everyone has a different answer. To some it's making a name for themselves and having a great career. Others desire families. It's not just get a job, buy a house, have a family. The dream is different for everyone.

After graduating college I job hopped. In the process I learned a lot about myself.

Such as:

• I have trouble with corporations, and I don't want to work for mega-conglomerates. 
• I disagree with nepotism and believe that position should be derived from merit and skill rather than "who you know". 
• I like autonomy. 
• I need to feel like a valued part of a team where my skills and knowledge are desired and appreciated. 
• My health does impact my ability to work and that being healthy 90% of the time is great for me, not so much for employers. You can't tell an employer that you'll likely be sick 25 days a year. All the more reason to carve my own path.

After a year of working part-time at a job that I loved the job with a boss I hated, I quit. My husband indulged me. He's indulging my desires to stay home and do my own thing. As soon as I figure out what my 'thing' is the better. 

Success for me comes in the small gains. Seeing how happy my husband is when I unexpectedly make his lunch. Lowering my weekly grocery bill to $65-$80. Writing for bitchbuzz.com. All of these things make me feel successful. To some it would seem boring and hardly a success, but I know life is short enough that you have to enjoy each little gain.

While I have moments where I am incredibly lonely cooped up in my apartment, I am genuinely happy and feel like I'm on the path to my own personal success. I'm writing again, and I'm incredibly proud of my recipes. I hope to increase what I get to write about beyond just food. 

Opportunities await. 

Jill of All Trades

I've always tried to be a Jill of all trades. I figured that I would be the most useful by knowing many skills. I'm pretty sure my fixation with being 'of use' stems from my reading The Cider House Rules by John Irving when I was in high school.

Homer, the title character is always trying to be 'of use' and uses that as much of his driving force in the novel. The major difference between Homer and I  is that he was an expert at a few things, and I'm not an expert at anything. (I am great at trivia so I know I'm super smart. lol)

I have a lot of skills, but I always seem to get just far enough so that I can muddle through projects. I never dive deeper. Perhaps it's my fear of failure that stops me, but I feel like it's getting in the way with being the most productive person I can be.

The biggest problem is that I just don't know what exactly I want to spend copious amounts of time doing. Do I want to become a better piano player? Absolutely, yes! But I have to work for it. I'd have to play my scales... I'd have to work rather than just have fun playing my pop tunes.

Do I want to become better at knitting and crochet? You betcha! But I need to get size 8 needles and don't have a coupon.

I'm just too good at making excuses for why I can't do something rather than just doing it.

Is it a lack of passion or motivation?

I've been so bored lately, but I know it's because I'm just not keeping myself busy enough. There are lots of things I could do but I don't want to. I don't even know what I want to do!

Will I ever?

All I know is that I have the love of a good man, a comfy home, good food, and really couldn't ask for anything else. That's enough for me for the moment. Sooner or later I'll find my calling... whatever it may be.

I don't want to grow up...

...But I'm pretty sure I did anyway.

I'm at this weird stage in my life where I still feel like I'm 21 and invincible, but at the same time I'm starting to feel old. Not like elderly old. Just older.

I know I'm only 25, but I'm now starting to look back at my college years and they're beginning to feel light years away. So much changes so quickly. My husband and I are both having health problems where it used to just be me. We're worrying about things like cholesterol and antioxidants which makes it hard to focus on fun things. Which brings me to my next point:

I think I'm turning into a hermit. What was fun three years ago just isn't as fun now.  I just love being home. The food is awesome and cheap, the entertainment is always exactly what I want to watch, and the only person I have to deal with is the man I signed up to deal with crap with.

When we do go out, especially if there are loads of people, I just feel overwhelmed. Where we live doesn't help either. There are few entertaining things actually in the area. Most things are either in Spokane or Seattle which is a 3+ hour drive either way. Once you factor in fuel and food, a trip to either becomes a mini vacation in cost. When you're two people living on one income, you have to get creative with what defines your entertainment.

Streaming Netflix is a god send. As I type I am watching part 3 of the BBC Daniel Deronda with Hugh Dancy. Would I have ever rented this? Probably not, but it's there and I'm watching it and I'm happy. For only $8 a month, it's totally worth it.

We've also found a love for board/video games. It turns out that I'm really good at Uno and Battle of the Sexes. I've also discovered that some video games cause me to have anxiety issues so I need to avoid them. Anything where I have to sneak up and kill something is a problem.

It's like hide and seek all over again  - I'm hiding, the person is right there, and I feel I'm about to pee myself. Killing things guns blazing, however, is not a problem.

I'm off to find new ideas to keep me busy at the casa.

Personal Epiphany: I'm a curmudgeon.

There's another facebook game going on about breast cancer. This time you take your shoe size and add inches and then the amount of time it takes you to do your hair in the morning. So you end up with something like 6 inches and 30 minutes. This is to make people think something sexy.

In the name of breast cancer awareness.

What really pisses me off is that no one is mentioning breasts or breast cancer. I fail to see how it promotes breast cancer awareness by saying something stupid to keep men guessing. Wouldn't it make more sense to post in your status:

" It's breast cancer awareness month; take a moment to get to know your breasts or talk to cancer survivors. Get a mammogram and learn more on how to be proactive about your health!"

So I posted on my facebook how I thought it was stupid. Then a few moments later the person who sent me the silly message of breast cancer awareness posted that it's all fun and games to promote awareness.

Well, my mother-in-law died from breast cancer. If you don't know this already, cancer is not funny. It's scary, depressing and watching someone die from is still the hardest thing I've ever done.

I've over playing games. I hate those little pink ribbons pretending like they're helping. We need to teach women to examine their breasts and be honest with themselves and their doctors.

Show some self love and grab a handful. Knowing your breasts could save your life.

So fine, I'm a curmudgeon.

Feminism, careers, and being a housewife

I'm just now coming up terms with being a housewife.

I consider myself a forward thinker and a feminist so it's been hard feeling okay saying, "I want to stay home."

I've always felt like I've been waiting for my calling. When I was a sophomore in high school I wanted to be an ob/gyn. I wanted to help women in their times of need. I wanted to usher children into the world and help change people lives. Then I realized I'd have to spend forever in school, and I hated being in school.

Then I decided I wanted to be in musical theater. This was a fine idea other than the fact that for all the things I auditioned for I never was cast. Sure I was Alice in Alice in Wonderland, but that was for drama class. The big after school productions... those are the ones I always wanted to be in. I did have one speaking role in The Sound of Music, my entire line was... wait for it.

"Maria!"

Even if I couldn't get cast in an actual production I didn't let that get me down. I knew I had talent. So I went off to college and became a vocal performance major. All was going pretty well, I had almost all A's and B's, and then I my vocal jury.

Jury was a big deal. You have three songs and get to sing two. You sing for all of the voice faculty in the music school. So 7 professionals are staring at you, taking notes the whole time. Then when you finish there is no applause. Just silence as you prepare your next piece. Once you're all done they say, "Thank you," and it's all over.

Most kids meet with their voice tutors before the semester is over to discuss their jury scores (before registering for Spring semester). I didn't do that. I went in the first day of classes in January and found out that I didn't pass my jury to the next level. They gave me A's and B's on my performance but said they "didn't hear the performance in my voice." I now had the option of staying in school longer to try again at getting into MUS134 or I could change my major.

I changed my major and tried to keep up with music, but my soul was crushed. I was told that my instrument, my voice, wasn't good enough for my dreams. I gave up.

I know now that they were right. I never was going to be an opera singer. My voice wasn't meant for that. I was meant for musical theater, but at the time they didn't have a program. I ended up changing my major to Plant Science. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life, I just picked a major because that's was I was supposed to do. Get an education, get a job, blah blah blah.

So here I am, two years after graduating and I still don't have career aspirations. After a lot of soul searching I discovered that I was just working dead-end part-time jobs because that's was I was supposed to do.

Well, fuck it!

Is it wrong if my drive is to stay home and have children? I feel like I'm saying eff you to feminism and I don't like feeling that way. I am a feminist. I firmly believe in women's rights and equality. I love that women can "Have it all" and I want them to have it all. So is it wrong of me to not want it all? Is it wrong to want to be a housewife?

I've never wanted much. I never wanted a career (but I do want health insurance). I just want a family. I suck at having jobs. Like I am just not good at it. I'm a hard worker but I have authority issues. Rather, I have issues with superiority complexes.

I feel like by being a housewife I'm saying I'm not good enough for the 'real world'. So what if I'm not cut out for careers. I know I'm going to make one hell of a mother eventually.

I have the opportunity to start a family and take care of them. That sounds like a pretty amazing job to me. I believe that by living my life the way I want to is the most feminist thing I could do. Women can do anything and this woman wants to stay at home.

I may be a housewife, but I'll always be a feminist.

Take this Job and Shove it.

I quit my job almost two months ago. My boss was pretty demanding and I wasn't ready to be ordered to respect someone. So I took another job... at home.

After much begging with my husband I was able to convince him to let the house be my job. I now fill my days with baking bread and netflix online. I am also blogging on bitchbuzz.com in their home section. I'm pretty damn proud of that.

Other than that life is mellow. Nothing is different now that I'm married other than I got a new last name. I was pretty stoked to lose my maiden name. I had childhood traumas from kids making fun of my last name.

In other news, the o on my keyboard broke on and now that little rubber nipple thingy is also about to fall off. Why did it have to be a vowel? Seriously?

Well, it's time to watch some more Lost. It's the newest show to watch before bed. This has resulted in 2 plane wreck dreams and 1 dream of driving down the beach with the car getting washed away into the water. Probably not the smartest thing, but the show is so damn good!

Down Trodden

In May I applied for a job at a large winery where I live. I had a phone interview and a face-to-face interview that both seemed to go well. My whole family was pumped, I was pumped. It seemed like the ticket out of my current situation of not making enough money to afford myself.

I got an e-mail a few days ago letting me know I didn't get the job. This is understandable as the job market is tight. I keep reminding myself I should be so happy that I even have a job. My job is actually quite enjoyable, and when I get enough hours I almost make enough to survive.

The only problem I have with my job is my boss. He's an incredibly charismatic person, but he doesn't always go by the book. There's nothing illegal going on, he just likes to ignore company policy and make up his own rules. Often to the detriment of the company.

At the end of the day I work at a business and if you sell something at cost, you can't make any money. Sure it makes you look awesome to give a customer a discount, but when it cuts into the bottom-line it's a problem.

I like to be right. I like to do things correctly. You know, get it right the first time. I've always felt that as an employee I was there to provide a service to the company. Currently I work retail and the service I'm providing is fairly simple; meet customers needs while also serving the company's bottom-line. To help the bottom-line, I make sure that I'm incredibly efficient so as not to waste the company's money (my paycheck). Sadly my boss, who is the son of the president of the company, sees the store as his own personal popularity machine.

I do my best to clean up after him and my coworker, constantly running around double checking paperwork and making sure that everything gets to where to needs to be. I find this consumes most of my time. It frustrates me.

I want a smooth running retail machine and I have a machine that desperately needs a new engine. Sadly, I'm just the oil and easily replaced.

Decisions, Decisions. + Wedding/Honeymoon stuff

I am officially married now. Nothing feels different, it just feels like my dearest finally has a ring that always seemed to be missing. It feels like home.

Our wedding was absolutely amazing. Everything worked out, everyone had a great time and we ended up with some awesome stories to share. I have almost 800 pictures from the day and I will eventually get around to posting some. I still feel like the wedding was too much to sum up in a blog post or a story. It was magic and it's still hard to believe that such a beautiful day was meant for me. I was so happy to feel so much love in one room. Not only the love Collin and I share, but also the great love stories of our parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends. It was perfect. I hesitate to use that word, but it truly was.

Sure, there are things I would do different if I could, but it was super special even with misadventures.

Our honeymoon was also amazing and beautiful. We had some amazing adventure the most exciting of which was our helicopter ride over Maui, Moloka'i and Lana'i. We were going to go on a Zipline trip, but they were all booked up. As the zipline would have cost about $400 for the two of us, we thought, 'Hey, why don't we just add that money to our helicopter trip we wanted?".

So, Collin bought first class tickets and we got to see some of the most breathtaking sights. Whales, waterfalls, sunken battleships, and 3000ft sea cliffs. The world is such a wonderful place if you have the opportunity to slow down and just take it all in. Pictures also to come.

Sadly, in the hustle and bustle of trying to get back to our apartment I left my computer at my mom's house. So I have to use to work computer or Collin's and it's just not the same. I feel like I'm cheating on my laptop.

Going back to work was just as exciting as I thought it'd be. I'm yet again reminded how apathetic I am about this job. My boss lives in la-la land that's all about appearances. He's been telling me he's the vice-president of the company, which is in fact, not true. His brother is the vice-president.

He acts like he manages the place, but all he really does is sign the time cards. He also does the books, but I think I do them better. It's pretty sad when everyone in the corporate office calls your lackey because you don't even know how to do the paperwork properly for the company you like to pretend you the vice-president of.

This could be my longest post ever. But I feel like I have a lot pent up. I haven't even gotten to what I really wanted to talk about. If any one actually reads this, I applaud you for making it this far.

Now that I'm married, the next question the husband and I wonder is, "What about kids?" We both really want children and would like to start sooner rather than later. Is there ever a time you're really ready for children?

I want to be a stay at home mom and my husband supports this. So do I get pregnant and then just quit my job? Do we try to save up a bunch of money before the baby? Do we move first?

Part of me wants to just quit my job and start trying for a baby and just become a house wife. That seriously appeals to me. I feel like working I'm not home enough, like I can't get anything done. I want to spend time with my husband when he comes home from work not do laundry and dishes the whole time.

Here's hoping. I'm a firm believer that everything will work out. The cards are what they are and the chips will fall however they are meant to.

15 Days

It is officially crunch time.

Today is my darling dearest's 26th Birthday. I feel like I let him down this year, but I promise his first birthday as my husband will be awesome. This wedding is just sucking the life out of everyone.

It is a super joyous time, but the stress from it all is making C-man and I feel sick almost all the time. It feels like we'll never get there from here, but in a few short weeks we'll be in Hawaii as husband and wife and we'll get to relax. Something that we both deserve.

I've been running the store where I work for the past week and I'm pleased that things are going smoothly. So far no mishaps and we're almost done with the week. I'm sure my boss will be pleased to find his store didn't run itself into the ground while he was gone.

I'm secretly hoping that the two weeks I'm gone from work this place turns into a storm of epic proportions. I know it's wrong to wish failure on my place of business, but I really want my boss to understand how valuable I am and all the work I do here.

He complains that I talk back. That I'm sick all the time. If he asks for my opinion I give it, he doesn't always like it, but I'm not one to cower from a person. Respect is earned, not given and they don't pay me enough here for me to fear for my job.

While I'm gone I'm refusing to answer my phone. Yet again, they don't pay me enough for me to be on call 24/7.

This past week at work without my boss has been positively blissful. No one barking at me to take care of their personal business. No one getting on my ass for how I do things.

Only 45 minutes left and then I get to head home. Then we need to get ready to leave for Seattle. It's going to be a long weekend, but I can't wait to see my niece.

Every little bit counts, right?

23 days, Blarg!

I am starting to really freak out about the wedding. This weekend is going to be one of the busiest of my life. My mom is driving down to get me right now. Still have to pack things up. I'm so nervous about this weekend that my palms are sweating like crazy. I feel like I'm in high school or something.

Once this weekend is done we'll have a lot of stuff taken care of and that makes me really happy. Now if 1 'clock would roll around so I can go home and get this show on the road. Once I start getting stuff out of the way I'm going to feel so much better.

Yet again, keep reminding myself that in 25 days my white ass will in be in Hawaii.

28 Days

With only 6 weeks until the wedding, Collin and I really felt the need to get into shape. Not just to look good in wedding pictures, or to feel great in Hawaii, but because we want to get healthy while it's still easy. We both want to start having kids shortly after we get married and being in shape will really help with having kids we figure.

So I started a 28 day challenge for myself. The goal is simple. To turn simple activities into habits. I want to turn going to the gym and washing my face twice a day a habit. I'm on day 5 and so far so good. I want to go to the gym twice a week and so far Collin and I have gone three times. It feels awesome.

When we're at the gym doing bench presses we joke about how we'll be able to bench press our kids. (So long as they don't weight more than 'X') That's what I find so enjoyable about weight lifting. I can see that X get bigger each time. I can challenge myself. I feel really powerful after a lifting session. The next two days that I'm sore I just feel like my body is repairing itself and making me stronger and I love that feeling.

It's nice to feel progress even when I can't see it on my love handles... yet. I know that if I keep this up I will see changes, I just have to keep it up!

I've also done awesome on washing my face twice a day so far. My skin freaked out a little bit at first, but it's calming down. It has the shinyness of my youth. Some people don't like to feel shiny. I love it. I feel like I glow.

Glowing is good.

T - 46 days and counting

OMG! Only 46 days until I'm a married woman. I can't wait. We've been together for 7.5 years and I am ready for the next step. So is he. Excitement abounds.

We are steadily crossing things off the list. This past week my fiance and I have paid off the photographer and make-up artist, scheduled my first dress fitting, scheduled my hair-preview, sent out the bridal shower guest list, purchased shoes, ordered my undergarments and I made a necklace and bracelet set to wear for the wedding.


On top of that, I also kept the kitchen sink empty for a week. Which compared to my last post... that's pretty amazing. I also did laundry last week and vacuumed the living room. Collin and I even went to the gym and we're going back tonight!

Something about running out of time always gets my butt in gear. I really do well under pressure. However, the pressure tends to stress me out quite a bit which then leaves me feeling exhausted and nauseous. So to relieve my pressure, I remind myself that in T - minus 48 days, my white behind will be in Maui with my new husband.

And that's all I need.

Negativitron

My dear Collin and I picked up Little Big Planet 2 on Tuesday and in this game there is a vacuum called the Negativitron that sucks up all the the awesome things in Craftworld.

Sometimes I feel like the negativitron.


Last night I was a horrible, terrible, no good fiancee. Sometimes I'm a bad daughter, or a bad sister. This time I was just a bad partner, and I hate that feeling more than anything else. That feeling that I've hurt Collin's feelings for no reason other than to make myself feel better.

I'll let you in on a little secret. It never makes me feel better.

With us getting married in only 59 days, I can't help but doubt my future abilities as a wife.

I have to get this off my chest:

I am a terrible house keeper. Keeping my house/room clean has never been something I'm good at. It could be that I let things get so out of control that I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start. My bedroom usually looks something like this:


A. Sheets that need to be cleaned that are pulling off bed: Check!
B. Heaps on laundry on the floor (both clean and dirty): Oh-so-Check!
C. Shoes and other objects where they obviously don't belong: Yup!
D. A bit of trash here and there just to add to the 'derilicte' experience: Sure, why not!
E. Plants that need to be watered: Um-hmm...
F. A floor that need to be swept/vacuumed but you can't see it so you can't clean it: Yes, I have that too.

I've always had a room like that. For as long as I can remember. It seems I can only survive with chaos. I always seem to be able to find what I'm looking for and I never have guests in my house so I get a big lazy.

This wasn't a problem until Collin and I moved in together and had different ideas on what a house should be.

For him to be at peace, he needs a clean home to come home to. I don't blame him. I just wish I was better at providing that for him.

I keep hoping that when I have kids I'll start nesting and clean because they can't chose to live in a clean or dirty environment. It's unfair to raise them in a dirt pile. I have a hard enough time figuring out what my cats ate off the floor and barfed up.. I don't want to subject my unborn children to that.

So I add another thing to my never ending to-do list:
Start cleaning to be a better wife/mother and provide the home that my soon to be husband deserves. I know I can do it.. I just have to TRY!

Wedding madness and 2011 in general

It is now almost halfway through January 2011. I am 65 days away from being married and the anti-ca...... pation is setting in. There is so much to be done in such a short amount of time. I honestly have trouble justifying it all. So much money for a 5 hour party.

I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.

I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.

That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.

The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.

January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.

After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.

In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.