Middle of the night ponderings

Tonight has been a rough night. I'm trying not to whine about being pregnant, but honestly, so far it's really hard work.

Before I got pregnant I knew morning sickness existed. I just underestimated how bad it could be. I'm used to being nauseous and vomiting. As I have crohn's disease, I'm not new to this ball game. I'm just not used to it being practically incurable.

With Crohn's I'm able to find relief. I can avoid what's causing the upset. I can take copious amounts of drugs to fix what ails me.  I can't seem to do this while being pregnant.

I've read that now that I'm entering 9 weeks, the placenta should start making some hormones soon and I should start to feel better in 4 or 5 weeks. Seeing as I've felt this way for 4 or 5 weeks, I feel like I can handle the tail end of this wild ride.

My new mantra is, "You just have to make it to you're birthday next month. See how you feel then."

Having a day in mind seems to help. Something to look forward to. Even if I don't feel great on my birthday, I'll at least be 4 weeks farther along and hopefully 4 weeks closer to eating real food again. My eating habits have changed so drastically, I don't even know who I am anymore. My grocery store game plan is completely different from what it used to be. What used to be veggies and meat has been replaced by processed potatoes and ginger ale. I never used to eat yogurt, now I eat at least one a day.

And my poor, poor husband. He went from having a housewife who cooked every night to a housewife who refuses to enter the kitchen. I can hardly open the fridge, let alone look at the dishes. He's gained weight while I've lost. He's such a trooper, and I honestly couldn't ask for a more supportive husband.

Even if I snap at him about silly things like always using the fan while cooking, he's still so patient. I swear I can smell the heat coming off the stove and it makes me feel sick and he just listens and turns the fan on. He tries his best to suggest foods to me, even though nine times out of ten I don't want what he suggests. He runs to the store when I run out of ginger ale. He is wonderful and I'm proud to be making our baby.

Now if I could just stop feeling so sick, all would be right in the world.