I am starting to really freak out about the wedding. This weekend is going to be one of the busiest of my life. My mom is driving down to get me right now. Still have to pack things up. I'm so nervous about this weekend that my palms are sweating like crazy. I feel like I'm in high school or something.
Once this weekend is done we'll have a lot of stuff taken care of and that makes me really happy. Now if 1 'clock would roll around so I can go home and get this show on the road. Once I start getting stuff out of the way I'm going to feel so much better.
Yet again, keep reminding myself that in 25 days my white ass will in be in Hawaii.
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
28 Days
With only 6 weeks until the wedding, Collin and I really felt the need to get into shape. Not just to look good in wedding pictures, or to feel great in Hawaii, but because we want to get healthy while it's still easy. We both want to start having kids shortly after we get married and being in shape will really help with having kids we figure.
So I started a 28 day challenge for myself. The goal is simple. To turn simple activities into habits. I want to turn going to the gym and washing my face twice a day a habit. I'm on day 5 and so far so good. I want to go to the gym twice a week and so far Collin and I have gone three times. It feels awesome.
When we're at the gym doing bench presses we joke about how we'll be able to bench press our kids. (So long as they don't weight more than 'X') That's what I find so enjoyable about weight lifting. I can see that X get bigger each time. I can challenge myself. I feel really powerful after a lifting session. The next two days that I'm sore I just feel like my body is repairing itself and making me stronger and I love that feeling.
It's nice to feel progress even when I can't see it on my love handles... yet. I know that if I keep this up I will see changes, I just have to keep it up!
I've also done awesome on washing my face twice a day so far. My skin freaked out a little bit at first, but it's calming down. It has the shinyness of my youth. Some people don't like to feel shiny. I love it. I feel like I glow.
Glowing is good.
So I started a 28 day challenge for myself. The goal is simple. To turn simple activities into habits. I want to turn going to the gym and washing my face twice a day a habit. I'm on day 5 and so far so good. I want to go to the gym twice a week and so far Collin and I have gone three times. It feels awesome.
When we're at the gym doing bench presses we joke about how we'll be able to bench press our kids. (So long as they don't weight more than 'X') That's what I find so enjoyable about weight lifting. I can see that X get bigger each time. I can challenge myself. I feel really powerful after a lifting session. The next two days that I'm sore I just feel like my body is repairing itself and making me stronger and I love that feeling.
It's nice to feel progress even when I can't see it on my love handles... yet. I know that if I keep this up I will see changes, I just have to keep it up!
I've also done awesome on washing my face twice a day so far. My skin freaked out a little bit at first, but it's calming down. It has the shinyness of my youth. Some people don't like to feel shiny. I love it. I feel like I glow.
Glowing is good.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
T - 46 days and counting
OMG! Only 46 days until I'm a married woman. I can't wait. We've been together for 7.5 years and I am ready for the next step. So is he. Excitement abounds.
We are steadily crossing things off the list. This past week my fiance and I have paid off the photographer and make-up artist, scheduled my first dress fitting, scheduled my hair-preview, sent out the bridal shower guest list, purchased shoes, ordered my undergarments and I made a necklace and bracelet set to wear for the wedding.
On top of that, I also kept the kitchen sink empty for a week. Which compared to my last post... that's pretty amazing. I also did laundry last week and vacuumed the living room. Collin and I even went to the gym and we're going back tonight!
Something about running out of time always gets my butt in gear. I really do well under pressure. However, the pressure tends to stress me out quite a bit which then leaves me feeling exhausted and nauseous. So to relieve my pressure, I remind myself that in T - minus 48 days, my white behind will be in Maui with my new husband.
And that's all I need.
We are steadily crossing things off the list. This past week my fiance and I have paid off the photographer and make-up artist, scheduled my first dress fitting, scheduled my hair-preview, sent out the bridal shower guest list, purchased shoes, ordered my undergarments and I made a necklace and bracelet set to wear for the wedding.
On top of that, I also kept the kitchen sink empty for a week. Which compared to my last post... that's pretty amazing. I also did laundry last week and vacuumed the living room. Collin and I even went to the gym and we're going back tonight!
Something about running out of time always gets my butt in gear. I really do well under pressure. However, the pressure tends to stress me out quite a bit which then leaves me feeling exhausted and nauseous. So to relieve my pressure, I remind myself that in T - minus 48 days, my white behind will be in Maui with my new husband.
And that's all I need.
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Negativitron
My dear Collin and I picked up Little Big Planet 2 on Tuesday and in this game there is a vacuum called the Negativitron that sucks up all the the awesome things in Craftworld.
Sometimes I feel like the negativitron.
Last night I was a horrible, terrible, no good fiancee. Sometimes I'm a bad daughter, or a bad sister. This time I was just a bad partner, and I hate that feeling more than anything else. That feeling that I've hurt Collin's feelings for no reason other than to make myself feel better.
I'll let you in on a little secret. It never makes me feel better.
With us getting married in only 59 days, I can't help but doubt my future abilities as a wife.
I have to get this off my chest:
I am a terrible house keeper. Keeping my house/room clean has never been something I'm good at. It could be that I let things get so out of control that I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start. My bedroom usually looks something like this:
A. Sheets that need to be cleaned that are pulling off bed: Check!
B. Heaps on laundry on the floor (both clean and dirty): Oh-so-Check!
C. Shoes and other objects where they obviously don't belong: Yup!
D. A bit of trash here and there just to add to the 'derilicte' experience: Sure, why not!
E. Plants that need to be watered: Um-hmm...
F. A floor that need to be swept/vacuumed but you can't see it so you can't clean it: Yes, I have that too.
I've always had a room like that. For as long as I can remember. It seems I can only survive with chaos. I always seem to be able to find what I'm looking for and I never have guests in my house so I get a big lazy.
This wasn't a problem until Collin and I moved in together and had different ideas on what a house should be.
For him to be at peace, he needs a clean home to come home to. I don't blame him. I just wish I was better at providing that for him.
I keep hoping that when I have kids I'll start nesting and clean because they can't chose to live in a clean or dirty environment. It's unfair to raise them in a dirt pile. I have a hard enough time figuring out what my cats ate off the floor and barfed up.. I don't want to subject my unborn children to that.
So I add another thing to my never ending to-do list:
Start cleaning to be a better wife/mother and provide the home that my soon to be husband deserves. I know I can do it.. I just have to TRY!
Sometimes I feel like the negativitron.
Last night I was a horrible, terrible, no good fiancee. Sometimes I'm a bad daughter, or a bad sister. This time I was just a bad partner, and I hate that feeling more than anything else. That feeling that I've hurt Collin's feelings for no reason other than to make myself feel better.
I'll let you in on a little secret. It never makes me feel better.
With us getting married in only 59 days, I can't help but doubt my future abilities as a wife.
I have to get this off my chest:
I am a terrible house keeper. Keeping my house/room clean has never been something I'm good at. It could be that I let things get so out of control that I feel so overwhelmed that I don't know where to start. My bedroom usually looks something like this:
A. Sheets that need to be cleaned that are pulling off bed: Check!
B. Heaps on laundry on the floor (both clean and dirty): Oh-so-Check!
C. Shoes and other objects where they obviously don't belong: Yup!
D. A bit of trash here and there just to add to the 'derilicte' experience: Sure, why not!
E. Plants that need to be watered: Um-hmm...
F. A floor that need to be swept/vacuumed but you can't see it so you can't clean it: Yes, I have that too.
I've always had a room like that. For as long as I can remember. It seems I can only survive with chaos. I always seem to be able to find what I'm looking for and I never have guests in my house so I get a big lazy.
This wasn't a problem until Collin and I moved in together and had different ideas on what a house should be.
For him to be at peace, he needs a clean home to come home to. I don't blame him. I just wish I was better at providing that for him.
I keep hoping that when I have kids I'll start nesting and clean because they can't chose to live in a clean or dirty environment. It's unfair to raise them in a dirt pile. I have a hard enough time figuring out what my cats ate off the floor and barfed up.. I don't want to subject my unborn children to that.
So I add another thing to my never ending to-do list:
Start cleaning to be a better wife/mother and provide the home that my soon to be husband deserves. I know I can do it.. I just have to TRY!
Friday, January 14, 2011
Wedding madness and 2011 in general
It is now almost halfway through January 2011. I am 65 days away from being married and the anti-ca...... pation is setting in. There is so much to be done in such a short amount of time. I honestly have trouble justifying it all. So much money for a 5 hour party.
I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.
I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.
That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.
The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.
January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.
After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.
In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.
I would have married Collin last year in January in the hospital while his mom was there. We had talked about it. We thought his mom was going to get better, she didn't. Now we've planned a wedding in her absence with her money which just feels odd. I know that it's Collin's inheritance and he can spend it however he chooses. I just wonder if she would be happy with the choices we're making.
I have yet to have wedding nightmares, but I'm sure they're coming soon. I gained 5lbs after buying my wedding dress that I just can't seem to shake. There are moments where I imagine not being able to zip up my stupidly expensive dress. Here's hoping it will all work out in the end.
That's what I keep telling myself. Life will go back to normal after the wedding.
The life Collin and I share has been in upheaval for about a year now. Too many things have happened and our life has taken a beating. Our poor house hasn't been thoroughly cleaned since January last year.
January and February of '09 were spent in hospitals and nursing homes. March we were dealing with the immediate aftermath of Collin's mom's passing. Then we ended up with all of her things which are packed into our storage unit. At this point we have no idea what we took from her apartment. It's all a haze of mourning as if the black shroud that covered my heart also covered my memories in a thick fog.
After the mourning we set right into planning a wedding. There hasn't been time to process much of anything and I look forward to a time when I don't have to plan anything or be anywhere for any reason. I look forward to months of not going anywhere with my new husband.
In other news, in 67 days my brand new husband and I will be in Hawai'i. I can't wait to experience such a lush tropical place with my beloved. I'm hoping that Hawai'i will be the rebirth we need to get us back on track.
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Mourning
I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I grieve with the rest of my family. My cousin was in a plane crash. There were three others on board, all four perished. I think it is safe to say that hundreds of people are mourning right now. No one ever wants to bury a son or a daughter.
This is the 5th death within a year that has been way too close to home. I've lost 2 cousins, an Aunt, a future mother-in-law and the mother to my fiance's siblings. I look around me and find that it's some of the best people I know who are no longer with us.
My cousin's name was Brian. He was about four years older than me. I always remember laughing around him. Brian was an infectious person. He always had a smile on his face and a quick one liner to come back with. Honestly, one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to know. I try now to think of actual jokes, but all I can think about is moments. Moments spent laughing.
Hold on to those you love a little tighter tonight, you never know what the next day will bring. Love openly and honestly and don't be afraid to tell people how much you love them. Sometimes, tomorrow is to late.
This is the 5th death within a year that has been way too close to home. I've lost 2 cousins, an Aunt, a future mother-in-law and the mother to my fiance's siblings. I look around me and find that it's some of the best people I know who are no longer with us.
My cousin's name was Brian. He was about four years older than me. I always remember laughing around him. Brian was an infectious person. He always had a smile on his face and a quick one liner to come back with. Honestly, one of the funniest people I've had the pleasure to know. I try now to think of actual jokes, but all I can think about is moments. Moments spent laughing.
Hold on to those you love a little tighter tonight, you never know what the next day will bring. Love openly and honestly and don't be afraid to tell people how much you love them. Sometimes, tomorrow is to late.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
So Much To Say
To write it all down would take honestly forever. So to sum-up the past year since I've blogged I will use a nice bulleted list (with a timeline!).
Currently I am helping my darling fiance plan his mother's memorial that will be held this weekend. We've been scanning pictures for slideshow, picking the music and trying to figure out how best to celebrate her life.
I'm making little favors of nasturtium seeds to give to those who attend. His mother had them in her garden every year and I think she'd be happy to see nasturtiums all over Washington.
- May 09 - August 09: Worked for the Seed Company. Hated it. Found a new job.
- August 09 - October 09: Worked for a winery in the wine lab. LOVED IT! But it was only for grape crush season. *sad face*
- October 09 - February 2010: Worked for a independent video game store. Pretty fun, learned to knit there and made my first friend in the Tri-Cities.
- February 2010: Got a job at a greenhouse as the assistant to the greenhouse manager.
- February 21, 2010 - my boyfriend of 6.5 years asked me to marry him after a beautiful Sunday Brunch. *super happy face*
- March 6, 2010 - my new fiance's mother passed away from complications caused by cancer. (The day after his 25th birthday no less) *super sad face*
- June 2010: got demoted from asst. to the greenhouse manager to a nursery sales associate. Found that I was much happier not working for the greenhouse manager from hell.
Currently I am helping my darling fiance plan his mother's memorial that will be held this weekend. We've been scanning pictures for slideshow, picking the music and trying to figure out how best to celebrate her life.
I'm making little favors of nasturtium seeds to give to those who attend. His mother had them in her garden every year and I think she'd be happy to see nasturtiums all over Washington.
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